Alright, some of you may be ‘buKitzone virgins’ so for your benefit I will indulge in a little history, the rest of you, well you know the drill so you are free to nod off until I poke you in the ribcage with something pointy.
First off, this is not for the kiddies…this is my space and I tend to litter it with quite a bit of profanity and questionable subject matter, so if you think Pocahantas should have had more clothes on in the Disney flick, maybe you better check out www.prozacnation.com or something a little more your speed. Consider yourself warned.
This is my small, anonymous forum, where I rant and pretty much spew forth mindless junk that is rambling around in my head. I have been told on occasion that folks like reading it, I’m not sure why. Some people have also been known to enjoy being bound and gagged and then spanked, but who am I to judge?
Because someone asked, and as a small testament to the only thing I’ve done consistently my entire life, you can now view my CD collection online. Knock yourself out.
For the sake of getting this thing up and running with content, I have included a ‘rerun’ of an older item from the past below-one of my favorites- in lieu of actually writing anything new. The ‘rookies’ out there will no doubt enjoy it, the old school patrons will no doubt barrage me with email, calling me a slacker, outlining my penchant for procrastination, and swearing off visiting of my page until it is stocked with fresh fodder. Oh well, they’ll come back-they always do. Enjoy, and feel free to submit your comments, for I always enjoy a good laugh at someone elses expense.
I also am starting an archive of various stuff that I can still find from the past, so you can revisit your favorites….please feel free to browse thorough my past entries and linger awhile, especially if I said something that pissed you off. I always enjoy ruffling your feathers. This is not my ENTIRE catalog of filth, mind you, only the stuff that I kept and am still able to find.
The following I think is about a year and a half or almost two years old and was ripe with my new fascination of things Canadian. Now I know better….it’s basically the ‘States only with more trees and your dollar isn’t worth shit. Oh well, out of the frying pan and into the fire…
“I mentioned in the sidebar that this installment would contain a discussion of curling. Well, it would except that I still haven’t figured it out. I can tell you a few things about it though, and they are as follows.
1. This sport makes little or no sense to the untrained observer.
2. In light of point #1, I will still try to make some sense.
3. The game is played by two teams on ice, who slide rocks and attempt to get them inside a designated area to score points. Imagine shuffleboard on ice. Sort of.
4. You must yell a lot to play this game. The four players on each team are always yelling at each other. Words such as ‘heavy’, ‘hard’, ‘hurry’, ‘good’, ‘whoa’, and ‘clean’ in addition to others are thrown about a lot. At first, I found myself aroused hearing these words shouted at me, as I was watching womens curling at the time. I thought I must have stumbled onto some combination wintersports/adult channel and was hoping that up next would be the lesbian naked pairs figure skating. Then I realized, quite to my dismay, that they were using these words with regards to the game. What each word means in relation to the game is still somewhat a mystery to me. I still enjoyed the yelling though, does that make me naughty?
5. A game consists of what I have determined to be 8 or 10 ‘ends’ or periods, which makes no sense either. If you play one ‘end’, how can you play 7 more? Isn’t the ‘end’ the END?
6. There is ALWAYS curling on tv in Canada.
7. Curling on TV is habit forming. It sucks you in. There is no action, no fast movement, no snappy music, but it’s like falling asleep to the air conditioner. It sort of hypnotizes you. It sends messages to your brain that say “Come. Sit. Watch me for hours. Try to solve the riddle that is curling. Do or do not, there is no try. I am the walrus.”
8. I, and you, are not smart enough to play this game. The announcers discuss strategy and positioning in terms that would make MacArthur drool. I assumed they were just banging rocks around, but OH NO, every bump has a purpose, every play a whole hidden agenda. You cannot be privvy to this information unless you are a player, and to be a player, you have to be a master of motion, dynamics, physics and chemistry. At first glance it looks like a bunch of goofballs throwing rocks around on the ice and yelling like idiots, but don’t be fooled, it is the majesty and the mystery that is curling.
Now, if there is anyone out there that is a curler (is that even the right term?), don’t take offense to my little dissertation. I am only one of the lowly ones, the ‘unknowers’ that don’t partake in your sport. I play hockey, which in your opinion may be just guys skating around beating each other with sticks, but to me it’s so much more. To me it’s guys beating each other with sticks, but also swearing a lot and drinking too much beer afterwards and in some cases, before. That’s what takes it to the next level.
For all of you back in the States, my friends that are reading this and are unfamiliar with curling, let me just sum up by saying this:
You’ll know as soon as I do.
Until then, stay tuned as I will continue to report on the strange customs of your neighbour to the north. (Such as spelling neighboor with a ‘u’.)”
bukitnote : Originally posted on the buKitzone north.