It would seem that Andy has stumbled onto some news regarding a missing team buKit member….
The ride ended last Saturday, but last night, The Furnace struck it’s final blow and claimed victory over my soul.
With a sinking feeling in my stomach as I tore apart the workshop last night – I came to the horrible realization: It has my multi-tool.
Somewhere on that ride (I’m thinking when I went over the bars of course) I lost my multi-tool. To you non-bike folk, this is a little compact ‘swiss army knife’ of specialized bike tools to take with you for emergencies. I always take it on rides and it has saved me numerous times. I had developed quite a fondness for it. We were friends. It also happens that, for financial reasons, I also used it as my main maintenance tool in the shop at home. It’s not the preferred tool for maintenance – being small and all – it’s mostly designed for portability and weight – but it was all the (bike-specific) tools I had. It is now on the mountain somwheres.
Last night I pulled a long night revving up the ride for this coming Saturday’s jaunt. It was a challenge as I cobbled tools togehter from what I had. I’ve discovered that pliers will do a great many things.
Finally – here it is, a photo of the team buKit steed. We had refrained from posting it previously for fear of teams trying to subvert our technology, but team engineers have now assured me we are in the clear. Behold it in all it’s splendor. For the benefit of you bike geeks, I will run down some of it’s outstanding features. Non-bike geeks can skip to the next paragraph if you want.
FRAME: 2000 Gary Fisher HooKoo E Koo, Aluminum – I inherited it from my Uncle-in-law when he passed away. His name was Ubald, so I’ve dubbed it the ‘Ubaldmobile’ – the idea is you say it fast and it sounds sorta like the ‘Batmobile’. Whatever. This was a demo bike at a shop and apparently he got a deal on it – The parts have been mostly swapped out from OEM spec and are a hodgepodge of stuff.
FORK: Surly 1×1, rigid – The bike came with a Judy Hydrocoil XC on it, however the first thing I did to make it commuter/road friendly was throw the Surly on there.
WHEELSET: Bontrager Superstock rims laced to Bontrager hubs with black spokes. The interesting thing is that the rear rim is so bashed it is no longer round and is impossible to true. It makes rear brake adjustement an exercise in futility.
TIRES: Michelin Trans Word City’s 26×1.6. I’d like some smaller tires, but haven’t really found any yet – these also have the nifty reflective sidewalls (see photo) so that boneheaded motorists can see me. When I got the bike it had WTB Racing Raptors on the front and rear – which coincidentally, I have on another bike and really dig.
DERAILLEURS: Front is a Deore LX with a ‘hand bent’ cage (it’s way out of whack) in an effort to try and eliminate noise. The rear is a Deore LX, specially equipped with one pulley that has almost no teeth left – only ‘nubs’ really – it’s almost completely round. Entire drivetrain is 9 spd, although I currently can’t really get into the granny – I don’t really use it on the road anyway.
SHIFTERS: Deore LX 9 spd. Standard stuff. They work – except when it’s freezing cold.
CHAIN: SRAM p69 – 3rd chain I’ve put on it.
CASSETTE: It’s an LX I think, the interesting thing is that there’s 3-4 cogs that actually have teeth that are BENT OVER some. Exciting.
CRANKSET: Trek Icon. Ugh. But it works. The good thing is that I think the rings are all steel and therefore in decent shape.
BOTTOM BRACKET: I don’t know what it is, but it’s noisy as hell.
PEDALS: Ascent Clipless MTB. Cheap. Work ok. When I got it there were some funky Specialized platforms on it.
BRAKESET: No name V-brakes. Work lousy. For some reason the front squeals even though I’ve swapped out pads, cleaned the rims – everything. It’s a mystery.
HANDLEBAR: Titec flat bar. When I got it there was a Bontrager Crow-Bar on it. Put the flat bar on with some Cane Creek Ergo Control bar ends to try and get as roadie a feel as possible.
STEM: When it came to me it had a generic adjustable ‘comfort bike’ stem. Yikes. I’ve got a Titec on it now.
SEATPOST: Yes. Metal. Black.
SADDLE: Originally arrived with a huge gel seat on – remember this was an old man who was a priest riding the thing. I put on an SDG Bel-Air I had, then I promptly broke one of the rails. It’s still on there, but I had to slide it forward some, so the break is inside the clamp. Unfortunately makes for a tighter cockpit.
WEIGHT: I’ve never weighed it, but I’m thinking it’s in the 32-33 pound range.
I’m thinking of reinforcing the whole mess with some duct tape and bailing wire.
So preparations continue as the day approaches. Stay tuned.
Stories to tell, stories to tell.
First off, let me say that my boy Andy rode out Rita with flying colors. After boarding up the windows, packing in the family and easing his nerves with a few bottles of brew he came out the other side with some minor fence damage, and that’s about it. Great news.
Only two weeks until the Tour and team buKit trudges on.
The training continued this past weekend with the visit of Team Mechanic and Official Microbrew Consultant, Nature. Our goal was to ride as much as humanly possible in a short amount of time – which we did for the most part. A day by day synopsis follows.
I’ll preface this by saying that by the time the end of the work day rolled around on Thursday I was a ball of stress. I had a terrible day at work, as we all do when trying to get shit done because you know you will be out the next day. It’s as if everyone else knows and refuses to cooperate. I hate taking a day off without tying up loose ends.
To add to the stress was the call I got from Lyn at home saying that Julia’s ‘spots’ had returned. A week or so ago, Julia got these red spots on her legs out of nowhere. She went to the doctor and he said it was an allergic reaction of some kind, gave her a couple of scripts and she was on her way. They cleared up – but of course decided to return on Thursday thus potentially throwing a wrench in Supermondomountainbikeweekend – we only have one car and should she need to go to the doctor or ER, I was trying to figure out how to get everyone where they needed to go.
To top it all off, in the back of my mind I knew that while I was out frolicking and cavorting around without a care (sort-of), my bud Andy was down preparing to stare down the monster that was Rita. Speaking to him on the phone days before it hit was surreal as he calmly recounted stories of securing provisions, traffic jams, lines for gas, and determining which room in his house was the safest for them to ride out the storm in. Scary. Nervewracking.
Eventually it all panned out. Julia’s spots improved the next day and Andy was confident on his chances with the storm. Supermondomountainbikeweekend was back on.
Weds: Arrival day. Nature came over in the evening and we ‘discussed strategy’ and he ‘Consulted on Microbrews’.
Thursday: Nature got a WakeTink ride in, I however abstained to share some quality family time since I was basically going to be gone for the next 2 days. The evening saw more ‘Microbrew Consultation’. At least that’s what it says on the tax forms.
Friday: First ride day. I took the day off work. After shuttling the kids back and forth from preschool so Lyn could sleep in and I could earn bonus points, we embarked on what Nature dubbed the ‘Tour of Fairfax’. It is basically a bunch of little rides linked together including some road, asphalt trail, fire road, and singletrack. We hit some W.O. & D. Trail and then some singletrack trail leaving out of Reston and heading out to Great Falls Park. Stopped halfway and had lunch/snack on a cliff around 400 feet up over the Falls. A nice spot for sure. All told it was about 4.5 hours and 30 or so miles. Was a bit rough at times as it turned hot and sticky humid again here that day. A nice ride though. Went home and got our BBQ on. Burgers. Microbrew Consultation. You know the deal.
The next day was F-Day. Furnace day. We were setting out to ride Elizabeth’s Furnace out in Front Royal, Virgina. I had never made this ride before an it was one that Nature had both exaulted and warned about. I belive his exact words were:
“It’s fun. It’s a great ride. It will make you hate yourself.”
Damn that sounds inviting.
We drove the hour out to Front Royal and met up with ‘Big Jim’ (he’s at LEAST 6′-5″ – the name fits). It was nice to see him again, I hadn’t seen him in at least 5 years. He is a friend of Nature’s that used to hang at the Youth Hostel on occassion.
So we set out. A fire-road climb. Right from the car it went up. And up. And up. And it was like that for about an hour. Then it got steeper. Nature reassured me that the downhill at the end of this ride was worth it. Finally we came to a fork in the road. There was some discussion between Jim and Nature while I counted the colorful dots swimming in front of my eyes. I deduced that there were two options:
1. We could truck for 6 miles more up to a fire-tower with a nice view and then double back to this spot and connect with the trail here, or
2. We could head straight for the trail now.
They decided to go with #1, which added like 2 hours to the ride and would eventually lead to us decending in near darkness – but no one really thought of that at the time. We hit the road.
The fire road was fun, some ups and downs and generally ok spinning. Then we stopped for a snack break and I took a picture. At this time Nature said it was only about a mile to the fire tower but it was a ‘bit of a climb’. Yikes. That’s like saying George Bush has ‘a bit of a problem speaking’. So we departed and all I will say is this: Longest. Hardest. Climb. Ever. It was only a mile but it seemed like an eternity. Legs burning, lungs sapped. And to top it all off, there’s Nature 10 yards in front of me, sort of goofing around on the bike – going slow, zig zagging back and forth, waiting for me. Bastard. Go back to Colorado. Even better was the fact that all along the fire road we were passed by families in cars going up to the lookoff. The cars were struggling up an incline of this magnitude (I think about a 17% grade) and I know people were looking and wondering what the hell was wrong with us. We must have indeed been a sight, laden with gear and soaked with sweat, literally inching our way up the hill. I wonder if they could hear me mumbling my mantra under my breath, “I’m having fun. I’m having fun. Why do I do this? Because it feels good when I stop. I’m having fun. I’m having fun…” Anyway – bottom line, I was really happy with my climb, I actually finished it quite well and felt pretty good. We took the little trail out to the fire tower and I took another picture. The view was nice.
Then we BOMBED back down that fire road. I mean BOMBED. That was FUN.
So we get back to our original fork in the road and I’m thinking at this point that it must be gravy from here. I mean, this must be the payoff, right? The fun downhill? We’ve already ridden 3 hours, climbed probably near 2,500 feet, and I really can’t remember my name anymore so it’s time to just point the bike downhill and go, right?
“We have just a little singletrack climb to the summit, then we’re done,” Nature said. I was apprehensive.
We started out. Was ok going at first, then it got rocky. Then it got steep. Then it got rocky and steep. Then Nature turned back and said “There’ll probably be some parts you have to walk up.” Ugh. Hike-A-Bike. Nothing like riding for 3 hours then having to shoulder your 30 pound beast and scramble up the side of a mountain. Probably won’t be to bad, I thought – Hike-A-Bike sections are usually short. Famous last words.
I got off the bike, shouldered it, and climbed. Climbed. Climbed some more. Stopped. Had a conversation with God about the things I’d done wrong and how sorry I was. Proposed that I would never do them again if he somehow present me with the power of flight for 15 minutes or so. No dice. All told we scrambled up ankle busting rocks on slippery shoes with metal plates on the bottom for about 25 minutes. At one point in the delerium, I stopped and took a photo of the trail up, as I had just turned a corner and couldn’t believe that it continued. I felt I had to document this abuse somehow, that the story had to be told.
Upon reaching the summit, where Nature was sitting with a snack, I declared: “That is NOT a trail. That is a geologic formation put there to remind us as humans that we are weak and frail in relation to the power of nature.” I heard Satan laughing with delight.
The downhill was indeed worth it. Super technical sections, with some spots you just had to walk, but fun nonetheless. I managed to only be ejected from the bike one time – albeit a spectacular one – as I graciously sommersaulted over the bars into a lovely rock garden. It was really a sight. I have the dinner-plate sized bruise on my thigh from my handlebars to prove it.
All told it was another 5 hour day and probably another 30 miles or so. We got back to the cars right at dark and I hurried my ass home – I was late of course – and probably already in trouble.
We were supposed to ride WakeTink sunday, but we were both spent and I needed a rest day before I got back on the bike Monday to go to work. Instead, never ones to be inconsistent, we consulted about Microbrews.
Flat out one of the best weekends I’ve ever had and some of the best riding I’ve done to date.
I’d like to say thank you to Lyn for watching the kiddies all the time I was gone. You rock. I know that I owe you. Thanks to Nature for coming out riding it was a blast. We have to not let another 8 years go by before we do it again.
Well, it’s however many days in, I dunno, I’m too lazy to go back and look.
team buKit is gelling nicely.
Official Team Mechanic, Nature will be down for a visit in the next week or so. We are planning on getting as many ‘training rides’ in as possible in the span of 3-4 days. Don’t forget he’s also the Team Microbrew Consultant as well. Thanks to Team Director Lyn for agreeing to watch the kiddies a bunch during that time. See, it’s all about teamwork.
Team Travel Coordinator Kjungleboy will be in town for a day as well. He’s officially here to go see some NASCAR race, but I’m sure we’ll use some of the time to work on the music for the upcoming documentary, “They Were Behind from the Start: The team buKit Story”. Look for it on IFC. You’ll remember, he’s the composer of ‘buKit’s theme’, so the music should be something else.
The weather here has finally turned outstanding and I have been able to get out for many training rides – although – mountain bike rides instead of road. Whoops. I figure ANY time on the bike is better than no time at all, right?
On a related note, on the last ride it would appear that I tangled with some Poison Oak/Ivy/Sumac and came up short. I have a patch in a stripe right across my lower back – of course, right where your shorts/pants sit. Should proove maddening. I also have a spot on my elbow. Rest assured though, that I have consulted with the team engineers and after a few hours in the wind tunnel, they have assured me that should the outbreak not be fully healed by TOH ride time, the lesions will cause no ill effect on my aerodynamics or coefficient of drag – er, something.
Well, that’s what they’re paid the big bucks for.
It’s been Africa hot here. Like 101-103 with the heat index. It’s been hot. Makes riding the bike not so much fun.
The diet continues on. I’m down 10 pounds in 2 weeks, so I guess that’s pretty good. We are into ‘phase 2’ now, which means that we can add sprouts to the 3 other things we could eat before.
I went for a long road ride last weekend. I did about 25 miles in about an hour and a half – so that’s pretty good I think. I’m hoping to better that as the date of the ride grows near. I think if I can get down under 2:30 for 50 miles, I’d be pretty psyched.
I’m hoping to be able to ride as technical problems continue to plague the team. The beast that is the ‘Ubaldmobile’ continues to encounter problems. The other day I was forced to ‘change directions suddenly’ by a ‘less than observant idiot driver’ and had to jump a curb rather quickly. I didn’t quite clear it completely and the rear wheel whacked the curb pretty good. Only later after reviewing the bike did I realize that the rim is now dented and no longer round. Great. I spent about an hour and a half doing the best I could to true it up as good as possible – without a truing stand of course – and adjusting the brakes to allow for the bump. Good times. Just the kind of thing I enjoy doing at 12:30am on a Tuesday night. This is the same rear wheel that I just spent $40 on a few weeks back to have the bike shop ‘hold for a week’ to replace 1 spoke, which is really a 15 minute process.
Offical Team Wrench, Aaron’s offical words were: “Dude, a bent rim is trash. Now’s a good time to buy a truing stand an cheap wheel and learn to build wheels.”
This is really fortuitous as that is something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time – now all I really need is the money and the time – and heck, I’ve got tons of both. Gotta love those single, bohemian living mechanics.
For now, the wheel stays.
Thanks to everyone for their continued donations – and remember, you can donate up until midnight the night before the event – so, hound all your friends!
The last two days have sucked on the bike. Really suffering.
The legs are filled with lead. I must have completely run out of carbs.
Like wounded children, I hear the all the Hostess cupcakes screaming at me as I pass every 7-Eleven on the ride.
I am in the ‘pastry’ ring of hell.
Day 12 in.
As luck woud have it, coinciding with the Tour of Hope activities I am also in the midst of getting yearly medical checkups and such. Had a physical and the associated probings and needle picks. It was determined that I needed to lower my cholesterol a tad. This would turn out to work with the plan – more on that later.
I went yesterday to have an abdominal ultrasound to check on the insides as I have been having bouts of bad indigestion, no doubt due to my diet that consists primarily of fried batter with sides of fried stuff. The insides checked out ok, confirming what I basically knew anyway – I should probably start eating vegetables and fruits.
Lyn’s doc has told her that she needs to lose some weight to help with her condition as well and 2 weeks ago suggested the South Beach Diet. So we set Aug. 1 as ‘D’ day.
As I have said in a previous post, she’s the team nutrionist so I have put her in charge of the diet. I just eat what I’m told. From what I can discern, the 1st two weeks we can basically eat green vegetables and water. This looks much nicer in the pictures in the book. Plates full of steamy veggies on a colorfully set table, presumably in ‘South Beach’ where the skinny elite frolic. What fun. Hasn’t ‘South Beach’ been pummeled by hurricanes lately? There must be a message there.
I love all of you my readers, but at this moment I’d trade any one of you for a DQ Blizzard.
The truth hurts.
Lyn keeps trying to get me to drink V8. She has no idea what she has gotten herself into.
Day six into preparations and a few notes.
First off, much to the team’s chagrin, the last three days here in the DC area have been 102, 108 and 98 degrees respectively. Ugh. Africa hot. It’s not so much as ‘riding’ through the air as it is ‘swimming’ through it. The upside is you don’t have to carry as much water on the bike, you can merely open your mouth to have a drink.
“It’s not the heat so much as the humidity.” Actually it’s both.
On the ride home from work yesterday I was forced off the road by a car and had to ditch into a combination of gravel/concrete sidewalk. Ouch. I have roadrash and a pretty large bruise on the right hand as well as scrapes and bruises down the left side of the body. Not too bad except that the bruise and road rash on the hand makes gripping the handlebars a rather painful and sometimes fruitless proposition. I spoke to team technical guru, Nature and he said that we could possibly take the hand completely off and install a carbon fiber one, but there wasn’t any room in the team budget for that. After much consultation it was finally decided that I should ‘drink 2 or 3 Hop Pocket Ales, walk it off and quit being such a sissy.’ The prognosis is good.
The team is coalescing well especially given all the media attention regarding the ‘Arrosox Scandal’ and team member Andy Funchar (see blog entry “team buKit to Ride in 2005 Tour of Hope”, comments section). You may recall he was busted in a credit card scam whereby he attempted to bilk members of he and buKit’s band fanclub and use the money to provide donations to the team buKit Tour of Hope bid. The team buKit and Arrosox Legions (the band’s fanclub organization) issued a joint statement that read in part:
“Both parties regret any undue stress, be it mental or financial, that Mr. Funchar’s actions may have caused to team buKit supporters or Arrosox Fans. We truly appreciate the support, both moral and financial, of the team and the band’s fans. We hope to put this behind us and focus on moving forward with preparations for the Tour.”
In addition it was stated, “Mr. Funchar will remain active in both the team buKit and Arrosox Legions organizations. We believe that although his actions were misguided, his intentions were of a ‘semi-honorable’ nature. Management of both organizations is in negotiations regarding the best way to discipline Mr. Funchar.”
team buKit director, Lyn Fackenthall said, “We still feel that Andy has alot to contribute to the team. I’ve never cared much for the Arrosox or their music, but we feel that it is important that the team have theme music for marketing purposes.”
That all being said, I, the buKit, would just like to say that I’m glad that Andy has accepted this situation and is working to resolve it. I know he has been struggling with alot of issues lately, chief among them a Becks Beer and Chicken Fajita dependency, as well as blatantly right-leaning idealism. I know Andy’s heart is in the right place and he confided in me that he is sorry about the whole ordeal.”I probably should have sought out a more accepted – or at least – more vague method of fundraising, such as a pyramid scheme, or some sort of televangelism.” He told me.
Let the healing begin.
Thanks to everyone for their support and/or donations so far.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
team buKit Tour of Hope Roster Announced
JULY 24, 2005, ANNANDALE, VIRGINIA
Today team buKit is proud to announce the offical team roster for the 2005 Tour of Hope:
Lyn Fackenthall: Cancer Survivor. General manager, coach, muse, partner. instigator, dietician, medical consult, Translator. She also cuts buKit’s hair.
Julia Fackenthall: Team documentarian. Artist. Picture Drawer. Wind tunnel engineer for flower basket and sparkly handlebar streamer fabrication.
Emma Fackenthall: In charge of administering ‘RAAAARRRRRR’ dinosaur-type motivational noises. Aerobics coach.
North: Early morning training ride alarm clock.
Jeff LaPensee: Agent. Minister of Hollywood Street Cred.
Francisco Lopez: Official supplier of Cabo Wabo, ‘Dominican’ (ahem) cigars, and Asado.
Andy Funchar: Travel coordinator. Political analyst. Official team guitarist. Composer of ‘buKit’s Theme’.
Aaron ‘Nature’ Uhl: Mechanic/Technical guru and conditioning coach. Offical Microbrew consultant.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
team buKit TO RIDE IN 2005 TOUR OF HOPE
JULY 19, 2005, ANNANDALE, VIRGINIA
Today from his palatial ‘Luxury Town Residence’ in suburban Virgina, moderately recreational cyclist Kent Fackenthall (known in underground circles as ‘the buKit’) announced his intention ride in the Tour of Hope, a 50 mile bike ride on October 8 of this year to benefit cancer research, sponsored by the Lance Armstrong Foundation. The ride begins in Maryland and finishes in Downtown Washington DC where it will meet up with a group of select riders that have ridden all the way across the United States to raise money and awareness for cancer research. Mor information regarding the event is available at http://www.tourofhope.com
At a press conference ‘the buKit’ – as he prefers to be addressed – stated “team buKit and our sponsors are in preparations to undertake this great challenge and hope to put together a squad that can challenge and possibly even win this event.”
When questioned about what he meant by ‘win’ this event, seeing as how it’s a charity ride – buKit seemed confused and after whispered consultation with his handlers, replied, “Um, yea. That’s what I meant.” Then hurriedly ended the press conference and quickly left the room, seemingly arguing with staffers.
A few minutes later, just as the press corps were packing up, the buKit returned and announced that he was ready to continue the press conference stating that he ‘just had to go to the bathroom’ and was now ready to make another statement. A transcript of the remainder of the conference follows:
“I’d just like to say that team buKit is proud to have the chance to participate in this truly special event. As you all know, my wife Lyn is a cancer survivor and this is a cause that is close to my heart. That being said at no time was team buKit interested in any sort of – ahem – ‘winnings’ or ‘spoils’ of the race, and reports that the team had entered for personal financial gain or in an effort to raise money to buy a new road bike have been greatly exaggerated and/or are completely false. I have been told that would have been in bad taste. Thank you, now I will take exactly 3 questions…”
Reporter #1: “Mr. – um – buKit, how much do you hope to raise?
buKit: (raising pinky to lip and effecting a ‘Dr. Evil’ voice replied): “ONE MIIIILLLLLION DOLLLARS!” He then began to laugh outrageously, but tapered off when he realized he was the only one in the room laughing.
At this point, buKit’s wife, Lyn, leaned in and explained: ” Registrants are required to raise a minimum of $500 US in order to be able to ride. We have a mailing list of buKit’s fans and family members and they will be receiving emails shortly detailing how to donate online with a credit card. We may also just send emails to random addresses as well – just for the fun of it. If you don’t want to wait for the email, you can go to buKit’s Tour of Hope page at http://www.active.com/donate/DCride/lafKFacken to donate.”
buKit: “Uh. Yeah. What she said.”
Reporter #2: “Mr. buKitenthall, do you have any plan or specific strategy for training and/or preparation leading up to the event?”
buKit: “It’s buKit. Lowercase ‘b’, capital ‘K’.”
Uncomfortable silence. Shuffling of papers.
buKit: “We’re waiting…”
Reporter #2: “Sorry, um, ‘buKit’. Any plans?”
buKit: ” I will be updating my blog in a daily/semi-daily/haphazardly fashion with news, tips, observations and details of my life commiserating with the cycling and Hollywood elite as well as info pertaining to and regarding my training and preparation. I will probably also talk about my bike and junk – oh – and the stuff I’m going to do to get ready for this race – er – I mean ride. Did I say that already? In addition in a day or two an announcement will be made regarding the full team roster. Yeah. You can view the blog at http://www.bukitzone.blogspot.com.”
Reporter #3: “Do you have any idea what you are doing?”
Confused whispering amongst team buKit.
Anonymous team buKit staffer: “No further questions at this time.”
Reporter #3: “…but, that’s only 2 questions. He said he’d take 3.”
Staffer: ” He was mistaken.”
With that the team rushed from the room. As they exited, buKit was overheard saying, “I think that went quite well.”
the buKit is a native of California who has lived in Canada and now resides and ‘trains’ in Virginia. He has never entered nor completed any sort of organized bike race or event, or any organized event at all for that matter. He works as a production manager at a graphic design firm, thinkdesign, and lives with his wife, Lyn – a thyroid cancer survior, his two daughters, a dog, 2 cats and some fish in Annandale, Virginia. Press inquires and team sponsorship inquires can be sent here.