I miss you, my friends.

I miss you, my friends.

All those incredibly personal moments we shared. Many of the pieces that make us who we are.

I wonder where you are now?

Are you still playing hockey? Do you still collect those same stuffed animals? Does that spot still tickle? Did you ever finish that song?

Did you ever do any of that shit we talked so passionately about doing? Does it even interest you anymore? Are you ashamed it ever did?

Some of you I’ve never lost – but we’re in very different places now. Hard to believe how we’ve turned out. The choices we’ve made – sometimes confounding even those closest to us. Confounding each other.

It came at a different point for each of us – that moment we ‘moved on’. We’re still in touch, but no longer ‘sharing the same space’ – as we once did. We talk about ‘the old days’ now and it’s like reliving an old movie. Everyday forward now, we’re creating new memories that don’t include each other and there’s less space for those that do. They get fuzzy. Fade. We each remember them differently now. Independently. We’ve got new players in the old roles now. A new straight man. A new muse. A new foil. A different lover. A new confidant. The production of our lives continues, but some of the cast members have changed.

Some of you I’ve reconnected with. The reconnection always strange. Each of us wondering how the other came to such a point. The choices.

I can’t believe he did that. Is that really what she wanted all along? I never would have thought…Did we know each other at all?

Indeed we did. And and we as friends were an integral part in shaping who we’ve each become – good or bad. Forever linked, even if way back on the chain.

‘You can never go home again.’ And if we could, we both remember it differently now. Different emotions – hurts – laughs – have benchmarked themselves inside each of us. But it was still us that shared them.

Sometimes – usually in the quiet moments – I wonder where you are.

Are you ok? Are you hurting? Did you get that job you wanted? Did you ever work it out with your Dad? Does he make you happy? Are those same demons still hounding you now, like they did back then? Have you found contentment?

I hope you are well. Are you still pissed about that time I wouldn’t come pick you up? Embarrassed about what you said and the awkward silence after? Steamed about that time I threw up in your car?

It’s ok. I understand. Maybe you’ve moved on and it’s not important to you now. We’ve all got new friends – me included. Most of the time it’s that way for me. I get caught up with the now. The moving forward. It seems our lives have gotten so much more complicated.

Sometimes though, when the din of the world fades away for a few moments, and my thoughts grow quiet, I miss you, my friends.