Epiphany.

It may be a day late and a dollar short, but I’ve come to the conclusion that life is about just that – living. It’s not about being pushed around by bosses, government monkeys and people that make their way through life manipulating others. It’s not about having blind faith in the ‘good of your fellow man’ like a chump. Sad but true. It’s not about being owned or controlled by a person or substance. It is Freewill in the very captial ‘F’ sense of the word.

I don’t care anymore what people say I can and can’t do. I don’t care if you think I’m an idiot.

Had the ‘Annual Review’ at work. Hate these things. The dance. Does anyone ever see eye to eye at these things? It really doesn’t make any sense to me, the whole process. They solicit your input, but really when it comes down to brass tacks, one of you is in charge and one isn’t. Who’s agenda and/or ideas is going to get the green light? Demeaning.

I’m tired. Been doing work all night. Nothing like being more tired for the start of the week than you were for the end of the last one. Aren’t weekends supposed to be for rest?

We should be getting our Christmas cards out this week with the obligatory family photo. I’ll post one here maybe but will wait till those actually getting one in the mail do so – can’t let the cat out of the bag early no can we?

Now I’m must giddy with fatigue. Artificially conscious through the magic of coffee.

Been sober a month now. It’s a milestone, but I don’t really feel anything as it passes. Seems there’s too much else going on. Holiday season and all. I’ve done my part though. I’ve spent myself silly. Can’t say I’m not supporting the economy. Sorry for being cynical. Actually, no, I’m not.

Really, I just want to go ride my bike. Ride my bike in the -15C freezing rain temperatures. I feel better out there. People look at me like I have 2 heads. What they don’t get is the kind of headspace that puts you in when you’re out there. When you’re concentrating on just keeping moving so that your digits keep getting blood and don’t freeze. Just trying to keep moving forward and justify you space on the planet in the face of nature. Trying to earn a little respect from the wind, the rain, the grey skies. One thing is for sure, you’re not thinking about what some ass in a car thinks. You aren’t thinking about bills, about your job – or your job review. You aren’t thinking about right or wrong. Just keep the cranks spinning.

Join the Conversation

1 Comment

  1. I could hardly shut down my own smile when I read your description of what it’s like being “out there” riding in the weather, for the sake of simply doing it.

    I get that, so much. I do cold runs outside 2-3 times a week, away from the track at the gym because it’s the best place I can really get in touch with everything inside my head. People do that weird staring thing, I never mind the cold: what you get out of it makes up for everything else you endure through the process.

    Congrats on one month of sobriety! It might be hard to take it in because of everything else actively spinning around you, but that’s a big one, and it’s -awesome- 🙂 Keep on going!

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply to Melinda Cancel reply