Category Archives: Narrative

So it’s 7:30 am on Saturday morning and I’m up as usual. I’m always up. Colin woke up at 6:30 and I gave him a bottle and rocked him for an hour in a desperate effort to get him to go to back to bed so I could get even just one more hour of sleep. Sometimes this tactic works sometimes it doesn’t.

At 7:00, Julia was up of course, being conditioned to be up at 6:30 on weekdays for the bus, she automatically gets up on the weekends. I guess that 1/2 hour is her ‘sleeping’ in.

Emma is still asleep, and would easily sleep until 9 or 10 if not provoked. She’s slow to get up on school days too. She’s a hardcore sleeper. Of course the fact that she’s the last one to quit playing in her bed at night and making last minute bathroom and ‘drink of water’ runs I’m sure contributes to her lethargy in the morning.

I’m on kid duty this morning ’cause Lyn was up on-and-off all night with Olivia who – of course – is now finally sleeping.

So, the interesting conundrum is that I’m now in possession of a fully -rested, fully-fueled, fully-recharged 15 month old that I need to somehow keep quiet.

It’s strange how kids have no concept of sleeping in, or the tremendous commodity that sleep evolves into as adults. When they’re up, they’re up. Laying around in bed, snoozing simply isn’t ‘fun’ or entertaining. Personally, I the importance of sleeping in should be taught in schools. One day they’ll be complaining when they have to get up and I’ll just tell them that I tried to teach them early on the importance – the sheer joy of sleep, but would only intone “You’re weird, Dad.”

It would seem that some lessons are invariably never learned, both in children and adults. Even after 7 years and 4 children, I still go to bed on Friday night harbouring some fruitless belief that come Saturday morning the planets will align and I will sleep unmolested until the unheard of hour of 9am. Nevermind that in my days back at the Youth Hostel in a house of 5 guys, you’d have thought the house was vacant if you stopped by anytime before 11am on a Saturday. Furthermore, I’d say you might be lynched if you were to hazard a phone call or attempt conversation with an occupant.

Whether I go to bed Friday night at a decent hour or stay out late with friends, I’m still doomed to be awakened at some ungodly hour the next day by my bright-eyed offspring looking for something fun to do or something to eat. Some might perhaps suggest this is in fact, karmic retribution for the “old days”.

It is to suggest, then, that children do indeed possess some magical powers, event though at times their actions would suggest far less. For instance, since I’ve sit down to write this, Colin has proceeded to get into every single thing he’s not supposed to – things he would leave alone 99% of the time, has attacked his sisters on several occasions – one can only assume to cause bodily harm, and run screaming through the halls for no apparent reason. One can only assume he’s using his ‘psychic mind link’ to pay me back for my years of dabauchery preceding his presence on the planet. Buddha has taught him this.

Emma (yeah, she’s up now, you can blame Colin for that) has interrupted me to present a discourse on how cool mechanical pencils are (You don’t have to sharpen them!) and Julia is hungry- I know this as she’s asked about breakfast 5 times in the span of 1/2 hour – she thinks she’s being subtle.

Magic powers indeed. Most impressive is the ‘power of sonic force’ they all possess, whereby the Gods use them to punish you for late nights of drunken revelry by facilitating them in the morning with metal toy xylophones, large dumptrucks to race about the hardwood floors, and massive buckets full of toys and blocks to spill about.

Children: Tools for Good or Evil? I say it’s a toss-up.

The sun was streaming in the window this morning warming the room and physically warming the surface of the desk as I sat down to check some emails and type a bit. The glow of this space belies the frost on the grass outside and the -2 C temperature. With a warm cup of coffee scenting the room as Colin quietly cooed, chewed a breakfast cookie and played blocks, I drifted off to a fuzzy place when my internal monologue picked up a megaphone and shattered the stillness, nearly spilling my coffee in the present world:

CRIPES SAKES MAN! GET TO IT! YOU’VE GOT 2,347 THINGS TO DO ON THE LIST! GO! GO! GOOOOOOOO! WINTER IS COMING AND IF YOU DON’T GET EVERYTHING DONE, SURELY WE’LL ALL DIE!

Well, we wouldn’t all die, but we might be a bit cold to say the least.

Sometime, a few months ago, when I decided to take leave, I thought for some reason, God knows why, that while I was off, I’d have time to get a bunch of stuff done that I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. In truth, I think I’m actually getting LESS done than when I was working. I haven’t quite figured out the mechanics of WHY this is true, but it seems to be the case none-the-less.

The irony is that I’ve now penned two blog entries in two days time – something I haven’t done in months or years I think, and I’m dangerously close to setting some sort of precedent. I think it must be due in some part to my reconnection with Coffee (yes, CAPITAL ‘C’, oh, the master deserves his respect) something I had put aside since Olivia’s birth, but rediscovered yesterday.

So the to-do list looms. There’s all the seasonal stuff that must be done. Winterize the pool and put the summer toys and lawn furniture away. Store 4 cords of wood and make sure the snow blower is tuned up (did I just say that?). Clean and seal the windows and clean out the baseboard heaters – that’s #1 on the list today as they kicked in last night and the whole house now smells like burnt dog hair.

There’s the everyday, the housecleaning, laundry, kid feeding-cuddling-playing-extrication from hazardous situations. The paperwork and bills (I have to sort out immigration papers for me and two of the little ones). The explanation of scientific phenomena like ‘why won’t water go uphill’, ‘why do we need a bathroom fan’ and ‘what’s pork?’.

Somewhere in there as well, I’ve got to refinish a basement including insulation, drywall, suspended ceiling and electrical revamp. I’ve got a bunch of house stuff to do – the little stuff – like fix the jiggly doorknob, the slow draining bathroom sink, and refinish a dresser for the kids room so we can actually keep all their clothes somewhere other than stacked in neat piles in the corner.

Personally, I told myself in the off time, I’d try and enrich myself as well – improve my French, bone up on my Dreamweaver and CSS skills to broaden my freelance appeal. Read a bunch of books. Practice the guitar.

The reality is that each weekday I’ve got about an hour and a half when Colin sleeps to do stuff I can’t do when he’s up (which is about 80% of the above). When his head hit the pillow, my first thought is:

JESUS HE’S OUT MAN! GET YOURSELF A NAP POST HASTE!

After that internal momentary struggle, 9 times out of 10, reason wins out and it becomes, ‘what can I do in this time that needs doing’. The depressing thing is the mental review of the ‘what needs doing list’ takes 15 minutes alone.

The weekends I have a bit more time, but there’s more kids around and more fires to put out. Plus the addition of several ‘assistant-though-questionably-skilled labourers’ on the job can either slow things down or speed things up, it’s always a crapshoot.

I guess all I’m really trying to say is I miss riding my bike. I realize it’s an entirely selfish pursuit, but in ways it helps one stay sane. I know that in the long run, when all the little minions are older and don’t even want to be seen in public with me, I’ll have all kinds of time to do such things – though Lyn will occupy a lot of that dragging me to knitting conventions and flower shows – as long as they’re situated in close proximity to some choice singletrack – I’m down.

I told myself above all on leave I’d ride the bike as much as possible, but I’m realizing that this is not an altogether realistic proposition. I’ll keep trying to fit in in here and there though – it is after all – a part of who I am, but I can understand that there’s not always time.

I mean think what I could have done in the time that I sat and wrote this? I could have painted the kids, given the dresser a bath, paid some dinner and swept and vaccumed the water heater. DAMN! Now I feel like a slacker!

So I’m sure some of you have been wondering where I’ve been and what’s up. Truth be told, I’m not sure myself. The last week or so has passed in a blur – fragmented chunks of sleep 45 – 50 mins long all nite will have that effect I guess.

We had a baby. I say that having come to the realization yesterday that I haven’t even had a chance to tell a bunch of you that – then when I tried mass email a photo, the dial-up just plain hung on me. My deepest apologies to those of you that feel jilted because you didn’t find out ’til now, or even worse, found out second hand. My intention was not to slight you. I’m just in. The. Weeds. Photos are up on the flickr page.

Turns out Olivia had some pretty severe Jaundice so Lyn’s been back and forth to the doctor with her all this week and for a day or two she was sleeping on a special light bed that had me convinced we were really caling the mothership to bring her home. She was sleeping on a box that emitted an eerie blue glow. It was strange. It looked like she was on a display case in a museum or something. We also had to feed her a ton in order to flush out the toxins that weren’t being removed naturally (this is what Jaundice is) so she was blowing through about 4-5 diapers every 2 hours. Nuts. Good news is she’s getting better now.

It’s weird ’cause it’s like Lyn and I reversed roles. She was into town with Olivia every day to the doctor and I’ve been home land-locked every day. We’ve been living together, but it seems we don’t see each other much. She has to feed Olivia every two hours on a tight schedule, so when she’s not doing that, she’s trying to catch up on sleep. As a result I’ve been on 100% Colin duty – which I suggest is the next fad diet, he doesn’t stop – since she’s always busy with Olivia. When we passed each other in the hall ‘at work’ the other day we joked – She feels bad cause it seems she never sees Colin anymore and I feel like after we left the hospital, I have a new baby that I haven’t seen since. Our house really isn’t that big, I swear.

The older girls are being really good and helping out, and surprisingly understanding of the limits on our time – given their age. They’re excited ’cause today we’re bringing Olivia to their respective classes for a visit – then, we’ve actually got to try and do the grocery.

That will be our first real outing with the whole Squad. Lyn used to comment when she went out pregnant before with the 3 – she was already getting stares from folks. People really don’t do families this big anymore. Going out now with the four may attract outright media attention. My concern is that people are always going to jump to the conclusion that were of some hardore religion (Mennonites, Mormons, MaryKay reps, etc). Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’ve just never been a big fan of the beards, bonnets, and I like my coffee to much. Call me a heathen, but I NEED the coffee right now.

Luckily to distract us, Lyn and I have 2 elections to follow on the telly – the US AND Canadian ones. Both are rife with sheer lunacy. I tell you one thing, I think it’s sad that the media in the States has shifted it’s attention from what was the greatness of Barack Obama to the freakshow that is Palin. I dunno ’bout anyone else, but McCain isn’t getting any younger, and the thought that she may somehow end up in office (they’re ahead in the polls, WTF?) really scares the bejesus out of me – and I don’t even live down there any more. Up here is a mess as well, The Conservatives seem to have forgotten the old adage ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’, The Liberals – well – unfortunately half the time you can’t really even UNDERSTAND what Dion is saying, and the NDP and the Greens, though presenting some good ideas, don’t seem to be taken too seriously under the weight (ineptitude?) of the other 2. Happy voting! I think I’ll be exercising my right to write in Cheech and Chong in both countries.

Well I better wrap this up – coffee cup’s running low – and my ‘window of Colin exclusivity’ is about to close. In a minute In the Night Garden will be over and he’ll turn his thoughts to normal little boy stuff – what in this room can I climb and eat?

I will try to post more often and update the pictures as well. I think that this will be the easiest vehicle for me to update you all vs. all the other mediums (phone, email, etc.) as it works on ‘kid time’.