Caught on the radar.

My wife and Jamie Sommers have something in common. The bionic hearing. When we go to restaurants, she can hear every conversation going on no matter where it is – and enjoys listening in on them. I – on the other hand – am usually just happy to have found a seat where I can see the tv with ESPN Sportscenter on and has the closed captioning turned on – and I’m lucky if I can focus on that.

So King Daddy Influenza has decended upon our happy abode. Julia has had a high fever for like 3 days and after peaking at around 103 for most of the night last night, Lyn finally took her into the ER today for the obligatory “She has the flu, give her fluids and Tylenol.”

While she was waiting in the ER she made a few observations (some with her bionic hearing) that I found amusing and thought I’d share with you.

1. Around 87% of the people waiting either didn’t speak english, or had a real problem trying. I then added that half of them probably have no insurance either – funny and sad at the same time.

2. While in the waiting room, on guy came in with open head wounds who apparently had gotten into a scrap with his wife who then barraged him with dishes – some of which were apparently stuck in his head.

3. She noticed our regular Cardioligist was there – guess he was the guy on duty today. She didn’t get a chance to talk to him though – and he didn’t see her – he was too busy running from one heart attack patient to the next in rapid succession and dispatching them to various areas of the hospital, only to have more coming in and/or waiting in the wings. She said he had what could only be described as a ‘Batman type belt’ that was filled with cannisters of nitro that he would spray at these patients before sending them on their way…

4. In the ‘stall’ next to her and Julia was a Jiffy Lube employee that barely spoke english. He was Manuel. Manuel’s manager had brought him in as apparently a fired and disgruntled Jiffy Lube employee had showed up today brandishing a gun looking for payback. Manuel had apparently scuffled with the guy and for his efforts had received a pistol whipping and a blow to the head with the but of the weapon. Apparently Manuel had ‘blacked out’ for a spell so the manager though it best to bring him in and have him checked out. The pistol weilding yee-haa was apparently in custody.

She had this surreal vision of a mix between the Jiffy Lube guy and the Cardiologist. She sort of likened the ‘nitro cannisters’ to the ‘air guns’ that Jiffy Lube (and NASCAR pitcrews – for you rednecks) use to remove wheels from cars. She saw this sort of scene where an assembly line of people on car lifts got sprayed with nitro and sent on their way.

I asked if she’d brought home any of what they’d given her there, ’cause seeing as how it’s saturday night, we could put the kids to bed and have a rip-roarin’ time.

It also occured to me that perhaps this was some sort of vignette of the current status of things…

You’ve got alot of people that don’t speak english. Apparently I’m lucky that Lyn can’t throw dishes for shit. People are just rolling in with heart-attacks getting sprayed and sent out. Um, hello, ‘forest for the trees?’ You’ve got folks being assaulted in the workplace for idiotic reasons. Yea that about sums it up. At least there’s the guy in there that was sort of a hero for trying to take down the disgruntled ex-luber. All he got for it though was a brutal headache.

Seems like the whole country’s got a brutal headache right now.

Sorry – had to get a little politcal there for a minute.

Looks like Emma has the ‘ick’ now too. We’re dropping like flies over here.

Call in the guys with the white suits and respirators!