Travel time.

Well, Lyn and I are gearing up to make a big trip south so that the Bean can see Great Grandma and Great Grandpa and Grandma and Grandpa Fackenthall. That’s alot of grands. It would be to an untruth to say that we are not apprehensive about the trip, as it will be the Bean’s first airplane ride, and we’re not breaking her in easy with a little short hop either. Check back here to see how it turns out. Maybe we’ll have left her there when we came back-who knows.

I myself have been occupying my time with work. When I’m not at work, I’m working, and when I’m not working, I try and do a little work. If I do end up with a little free time, I usually try and get a some work done. It’s not so bad, only I’m not always so much fun to be around. Actually most of the work I have been doing was so that I could take this vacation and not fall behind because there is no one else to do my work while I am gone. Basically it will go something like this:

1. I will work my ass off banging my head against the wall to get ahead of schedule to go on vacation, but with no one to help me at work, I won’t be able to, and instead, will only get a little bit ahead of schedule before I go.

2. I will leave for vacation. Somewhere in the middle of my vacation, the ‘ahead of schedule’ portion of my work will expire, and then I will be spiraling, from that moment on, uncontrolably into what we all know as ‘behind schedule’. When that moment is, I cannot be sure, but I will know it when it happens because I will sense a great disturbance in ‘the force’. It may well also coincide with a phone call from my boss to inform me that, not only has the shit hit the fan, but it knocked the fan clean across the room. Those of you who work with me know how bad an idea it is to be plugging fans or any other heating or cooling devices in anyway.

3. Every minute of every day, I will continue to get furhter ‘behind schedule’ as I will not be in the office and will be unable to do any work. If you could see me at this point, testaments to my frustration will probably include pacing, swearing, the debate whether or not to take up smoking, and as a final act of indignity, the inevitable banging of my head against a wall repeatedly.

4. I will return from vacation, whereupon I will need to work late and on weekends in order to ‘catch up’and will catch hell from the wife (and rightly so) for not being around, thus incurring stress and mental anguish that will march over and plunder any remnants of the relaxation I had gained from being on said ‘vacation’.

5. The thing is, I will never really be able to ‘catch up’ as this is an insurmountable task, which explains why I could not get ‘ahead’ enough to begin with. Here we see the banging of one’s head against the wall again, so in reality,…it will be like I never left.

Lyn, in an effort to deal with the fact that she is living with a lunatic workaholic, has been venting stress taking yoga classes, visiting craft shows, and killing spiders. I’m not sure if all or any of these are clinically accepted methods, but they do seem to work, and, obviously, we have less spiders around, which in her mind, makes all the difference in the world.

Well, we hope this finds all of you well, in light of all the madness going on in the world today. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m going off to live in a cave somewhere.

Drool rules.

Well hello there. Welcome to my lair on the web. I’m Julia Fackenthall, daughter of Kent and Lyn. Dad calls me ‘Bean’, short for Jellybean. I sure hope he doesn’t keep that up when I have my friends over. They weren’t going to give me a web page at first, saying that I would have a problem with spelling the big words, but if you’ve been following my dad’s web page pursuits over the years, you’ll realize he’s no Miriam Webster either. Once I pointed this out, their defenses were penetrated and I won. It might have also had something to do with the screaming and hollering I did.

Needless to say, here I am. I’m pushing 4 months old now, and let me tell you, I’ve seen some things in my day. I’ll tell you one thing, nobody looks right at 3 in the morning.

These days I spend most of my time sleeping. Or eating. Or hollering to be put to sleep or eat. Actually I spend most of my time looking around, just staring at stuff. Mom and Dad got me some toys, a set of chewable keys (as if keys are really chewable, duh), a squishy ‘8’ shaped thing I can chew on, some Winnie the Pooh (whoever he is) stuffed animals that taste pretty good, and some plastic linking fish that I’m not sure will survive if they keep them out of water much longer. They also got me this sort of kicker thing which is pretty cool, it spins and makes noise and stuff when I look at it, only problem is, when I start to doze off and bump the thing, it scares the daylights out of me. I try to tell them this and they just ask me why I’m hollering. I’m like, I am hollering cause the thing freaked me out! I’d swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think all they heard was holler holler holler.

Mom and Dad are always trying to get me to look into this little grey box and make happy faces but it’s really pretty boring, so I usually just look bored or holler until they put it away and then I get happy again. They also seem to always get the box out whenever they give me a ‘bath’ which I really hate, ’cause I’m all naked and stuff and I’ve really put on the weight in the past few months… I mean the nurse was here the other day to weigh me and I checked in at 13 pounds for crying out loud! I should try some Tai-Bo.

You should have seen Mom freak out the other day. She had just given me one of them ‘bath’ things and had me sitting on my belly on the table. As usual, the stupid grey box was out. I picked myself up on my two arms and she just about lost it. I was only trying to see out the window over the dog’s huge fat head, and you’d think I was performing miracles or something. Needless to say, I’ve got them pegged. Whenever I want to impress them now, all I do is lift my head and smille or make a noise and they freak. They are really pretty easily entertained, plus it fun to watch them scramble for the little box.

They are also very excited now because they have started me on ‘solid food’. I don’t see what’s so solid about this mush, but apparently this is what I have to look forward to. I dunno, though, I see the dumb brown dog eating some stuff that’s crunchy and I’m thinking as soon as I figure out how to move around a bit, I’ll have to help myself to some of that.

Well, I guess that’s about all for now. I don’t have much else to report and there’s some thunder brewing in my pants, so I think it’s time that I draw some attention to myself now…..HEY THESE SHORTS ARE GETTING WET!….That usually works. Check out the pictures of me contained on this page. I don’t really feel that they accurately convey the dynamic that I was trying to acheive at the time, but Mom and Dad think they are ‘cute’. Ugh. My genius is already misunderstood, and at such a young age. Bye.

US/Canadian Joint Sleep Deprivation Project: Day 179

Here we are with the debut of our new family site, so all of you can see pictures of our new arrival.

But enough about her, dammit. It’s time for us to get some attention for once. If you want to see gooey gaga pictures, check out the Bean’s portion of the site. You can also learn why she’s called the Bean there. If that’s no incentive, I don’t know what is.

By the way, if you think I’m gonna tone it down and behave myself within the bounds of this forum now that I’m a family man, boy are you mistaken. I’ve been sleeping sporadically for the past 4 months, working too much, watching too much mind-numbng tv and I am just cocked and loaded and waiting to go off.

As you can see from the title of this ditty, we are well into the experiment with no end in sight. The Bean and the dog sleep alot though. It must be rough on them.

Lyn seems to be holding up well these days and says that she doesn’t hear the ‘voices’ as much as she did in the beginning. She said that the dog talks to her sometimes though…something about the Son of Sam er something, I think she thinks he’s a Muppet. I myself never heard the voices, as I was too busy swimming in the bottom of a bottle. No matter. She occupies her days taking care of the Bean and is MORE than ready to dish her off by the time I get home from work. She does the best she can though, being as we are socially inept and have yet to make any friends whom we can pawn of the hollering bundle on for awhile. Actually, she is growing and is now rapidly approaching hollering-sack-of-potatoes status.

I continue to work away at my job churning out ever-so-riveting Sears promotional literature. I have fully sold out and am a slave to the man, society, a culture of capitalist consumers, whoever-all I know is that it almost pays the bills. Now if I could only pick 5 right numbers I’d be set for life. I have finally come to grips with the fact that I have become everything that I loathe, but with age comes wisdom and I finally came to realize that there just isn’t many good paying jobs for roadie-poet-philosopher-artists who don’t want to own a car or a television or a phone, unless you decide to follow the Dead on tour. Actually, that sounds pretty apealling right now, are they still touring? Has Jerry risen from the grave yet?

We actually had a nice visit a while back from the Grandparents Fackenthall, which they cut short, no doubt as a result of the fact that we never let them sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch without having a visit form their lovely grand daughter. No-actually I’m kidding, they didn’t leave early, but they seemed oddly happy to be going….

Grandma and Grandpa Mourant have been more than helpful as well too, with frequent visits to make funny faces and weird noises at ‘la petite’, and Lyn actually went home to stay with them for a little while, that is, until they paid her to leave. Hmmm…a potential money making racket for sure.

Actually, I am only kidding of course, but If I just wrote your standard ‘our child is bestest most beautiful child in the whole world’ stuff, it wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining…

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