team buKit to Ride in 2005 Tour of Hope


team buKit TO RIDE IN 2005 TOUR OF HOPE


Today from his palatial ‘Luxury Town Residence’ in suburban Virgina, moderately recreational cyclist Kent Fackenthall (known in underground circles as ‘the buKit’) announced his intention ride in the Tour of Hope, a 50 mile bike ride on October 8 of this year to benefit cancer research, sponsored by the Lance Armstrong Foundation. The ride begins in Maryland and finishes in Downtown Washington DC where it will meet up with a group of select riders that have ridden all the way across the United States to raise money and awareness for cancer research. Mor information regarding the event is available at

At a press conference ‘the buKit’ – as he prefers to be addressed – stated “team buKit and our sponsors are in preparations to undertake this great challenge and hope to put together a squad that can challenge and possibly even win this event.”

When questioned about what he meant by ‘win’ this event, seeing as how it’s a charity ride – buKit seemed confused and after whispered consultation with his handlers, replied, “Um, yea. That’s what I meant.” Then hurriedly ended the press conference and quickly left the room, seemingly arguing with staffers.

A few minutes later, just as the press corps were packing up, the buKit returned and announced that he was ready to continue the press conference stating that he ‘just had to go to the bathroom’ and was now ready to make another statement. A transcript of the remainder of the conference follows:

“I’d just like to say that team buKit is proud to have the chance to participate in this truly special event. As you all know, my wife Lyn is a cancer survivor and this is a cause that is close to my heart. That being said at no time was team buKit interested in any sort of – ahem – ‘winnings’ or ‘spoils’ of the race, and reports that the team had entered for personal financial gain or in an effort to raise money to buy a new road bike have been greatly exaggerated and/or are completely false. I have been told that would have been in bad taste. Thank you, now I will take exactly 3 questions…”

Reporter #1: “Mr. – um – buKit, how much do you hope to raise?

buKit: (raising pinky to lip and effecting a ‘Dr. Evil’ voice replied): “ONE MIIIILLLLLION DOLLLARS!” He then began to laugh outrageously, but tapered off when he realized he was the only one in the room laughing.

At this point, buKit’s wife, Lyn, leaned in and explained: ” Registrants are required to raise a minimum of $500 US in order to be able to ride. We have a mailing list of buKit’s fans and family members and they will be receiving emails shortly detailing how to donate online with a credit card. We may also just send emails to random addresses as well – just for the fun of it. If you don’t want to wait for the email, you can go to buKit’s Tour of Hope page at to donate.”

buKit: “Uh. Yeah. What she said.”

Reporter #2: “Mr. buKitenthall, do you have any plan or specific strategy for training and/or preparation leading up to the event?”

buKit: “It’s buKit. Lowercase ‘b’, capital ‘K’.”

Uncomfortable silence. Shuffling of papers.

buKit: “We’re waiting…”

Reporter #2: “Sorry, um, ‘buKit’. Any plans?”

buKit: ” I will be updating my blog in a daily/semi-daily/haphazardly fashion with news, tips, observations and details of my life commiserating with the cycling and Hollywood elite as well as info pertaining to and regarding my training and preparation. I will probably also talk about my bike and junk – oh – and the stuff I’m going to do to get ready for this race – er – I mean ride. Did I say that already? In addition in a day or two an announcement will be made regarding the full team roster. Yeah. You can view the blog at”

Reporter #3: “Do you have any idea what you are doing?”

Confused whispering amongst team buKit.

Anonymous team buKit staffer: “No further questions at this time.”

Reporter #3: “…but, that’s only 2 questions. He said he’d take 3.”

Staffer: ” He was mistaken.”

With that the team rushed from the room. As they exited, buKit was overheard saying, “I think that went quite well.”

the buKit is a native of California who has lived in Canada and now resides and ‘trains’ in Virginia. He has never entered nor completed any sort of organized bike race or event, or any organized event at all for that matter. He works as a production manager at a graphic design firm, thinkdesign, and lives with his wife, Lyn – a thyroid cancer survior, his two daughters, a dog, 2 cats and some fish in Annandale, Virginia. Press inquires and team sponsorship inquires can be sent here.